when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
