I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
