I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
