everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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