party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
