so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
