Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
