You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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