i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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