I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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