I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
