Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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