I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
