All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
