the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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