i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
