Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
