I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
