Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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