you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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