As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
