honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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