Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im part way to drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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