Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
