If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
