Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
