Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
