Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
