Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
