take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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