so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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