Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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