My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
