we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
