This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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