Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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