it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
