He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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