I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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