I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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