apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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