my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so much tequila, so little girl.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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