Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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