WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
