'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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