I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
