Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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