everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
