I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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