Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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