some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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