I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
