It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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