they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
